How do I get out of social isolation and live a normal good life without being haunted by the past?

I have a big family that I love very much and with whom I have many cherished memories.





However our peace and togetherness was shattered when a number of us as adults had experiences of distress that we interpreted (misinterpreted) as being the consequence of childhood sexual abuse by our father.





Since then there have been conflicts and seperations as my father aggressively denies the claims and my mother sits on the fence.





For my siblings it seems terryfying to have their perception of their father challenged. A couple sit on the fence and two aggressively support our father.





I can understand their positions and feel compassion for their pain yet I was also pained by being excluded by three of them and from family events. Eventually I had to let go of the relationships with my mother and the two siblings too as they joined in the family events that excluded me.





I have emerged from all the grief but I don't know what to say when people inquire 'how's your family?'How do I get out of social isolation and live a normal good life without being haunted by the past?
I have read some of your other questions, they too scream of hurt, isolation, inconsolable family conflicts and the wish to make a connection with other people.





There may be a possibility to reconnect with some of your family members. The best path would be to talk to them face to face, possibly in the presence of a professional councilor.





But another option would be to accept that your family may just not represent your closest relationships in the future. Get out there, join clubs or organizations (cooking, basketball, dancing, charities, the local union chapter), make friends. Put the past behind you and move on.





I don’t have any relatives – the few I had died early. But I never have a boring or lonely day. I have fun and supportive friends, which by the way I could CHOOSE, rather than be settled with (which would be the case with relatives). So I know this works.





So just say “I am not in touch with my family” there is nothing shameful about it.How do I get out of social isolation and live a normal good life without being haunted by the past?
I have no idea. I recently found out my Dad molested my sister and that my uncle molested my bro. I'm the only one that didn't get raped. We haven't discussed it much. We don't talk with my dad anymore and I can't seem to talk to my sister about it. We still get along though. My brother seems OK but doesn't want people to even know about it. I think you just have to live with it the best you can...sorry.
Hi,


I do understand. Going through it, and worse.


Find with in your self the wisdom YOU have to recognizing the horror, the gift that it isn't about any of them but you right now to read of others(true books of survival) not focusing on the act of what was done. Find yourself strength to forgive yourself, you will go through all the emotions of guilt,anger,frustration etc, when asked by friend, simply say at this time, YOU are distancing yourself. Which you should because they are lost, scared aND HONESTLY I FOUND OUT THE HARD WAY SECRETS AS SUCH FAMILY MEMBERS DON'T WANT OUT OUR KNOWN, in return they reject you. Which isn't your fault. I lost my own two children to my ex and one to my ignorant jerk brother while trying to seek truth before the passing of my mother. My advise, focus on YOU. Do everything you can, beginning with letting the past go. Start fresh, today is a new day for you. You can't change it, nor fix it just know you can and will rise above. You have a purpose, it just might be seeking out to others who have gone through the same. Your purpose in life might just be find healing then teach others how YOU did it. My hugs and faith are with you. And , I know most people don't give a shht!!! Hold your head up high, and kick but with your own god given will to know your better then the ones who reject in times of pain and sorrow. YOUR not ALONE, my friend so please find what you love to do in life and let them GO for yourself. I am saying this because I know grief, it is there every time being excluded, comes back each time and it hurts. If it feels more comfortable for you, say they are fine. Or say truly what you really feel. Only if you know you wont be rejected by your own friends. You sound like me at one time, so understanding towards them. Hello, what about you? Write each one truly how you feel, what you think about all of it. I lost my mom, and havn't seen my son in 6 years just because I thought I was being understanding towards them, only to find out behind my back while being excluded, they were making me out to be a lier. When I wasn't. Hope I helped. You mentioned you were very close now excluded, I think it's time for you to figure out with in why do you really care about the answer to how's your family.